The First Law of Blood-Rhythm

I like Fonce way better when he's drinkin!

(more coming)

Whatever is burning that man up, it's serious. Now if he'd just keep it to himself, I don't need that shit. It's bringing me down, killin my buz .. it fucks up my rhythm.

(more coming)

I was thinking that it would be cool to hang with the first wagons. Ya know, why not? We used to be there all the time until Fonce took off. Isn't the first wagons a collection of the Best of the Best?

(more coming)

Mezoo is one of my best friends, she's always been there for me. She was my first kiss. She was there when my dad never came home. She was there when my mom took off. She's there when I can't get the rhythm right. She's there when Pei's an asshole. I guess you'd have to say she's just there.

Well she was.

She was there when Gabbi and I broke up. I thought she was the one. That night I drank till I passed out and Mezoo made sure I didn't drown in my own puke. Now that's a good friend. I don't think she does it because I'm her cousin either. Least I don't get that feel from her. It's all good with Gabbi though. We're getting along now, more honest. We're better friends I guess. Semi likes her I think. Not sure how I feel about that yet.

But I do hear the Spex have their spooky fingers on Mezoo. Gonna have to talk to her about that one. I can't imagine my Mezoo as a Spex. I have to stop it, it'll change everything!

Maybe it's all this first fires crap. Maybe it's because she wants to be like Fonce. Great. More Fonce in my life, just what I need. NOT!

There's something different about her lately. She's quick to give me that grown up look. I don't like it. Does she have to grow up and be different? Why can't she just stay the same? Ogedaii thinks she's hot. I told him I'd kick his ass, but I'd rather Ogedaii looked her up and down than some other thick headed guys. I heard the Ubar's giving her the eye. Makin a thing about spending time with her. Guess the Ubar has it all over a nobody Drummer from the back wagons. And now Fonce has forbidden me to even go around them until, hell I don't know when. Maybe until sky falls on his head and sets him strait. I aint holdin my breath.

It feels like I'm saying goodbye. Like I'm watching her go far away where I can't reach her anymore. I'm missing my best friend like a big hole in my chest and it sucks ass.

Tuchuk. When it is not about the sky, the bosk, or the grass .. it's all about the Party. No one parties like a Tuchuk. We work hard and play harder. There's no age limit either. I tell ya, there's some really old boys that still can outdrink, outcuss, outdance, and outfuck me. It's good to be Tuchuk.

After the tor tu gor falls behind the horizon we start gathering around the fires and we start singin, playin whatever instruments we got, we start stompin and dancin and drinkin. In whatever order works that night.

There's a group of us and we get together when we can. Young stuff, just hangin out. We can relate even though we aren't all alike. Mezoo used to hang with us sometimes but I haven't seen much of her since she got it in her head to join the first fires. Yeah I know that was my idea. I guess I didn't expect it to take such deep root in her brain.

Ogedaii is there more now. He's cool. Might invite Sev to come around. She seems like she's got something to say. Somethin everybody might want to hear. And she doesn't seem all full of herself even though she's all up in the first fires too. And I'm talking shit about the first fires because I'm pissed off about it right now. Pei says I just need to cool my head. What does that mean anyway? People use stupid statements over and over again like they mean something when they're too lazy to actually think it through. Originality works for me.

I like people when they get their drunk on. I think it makes them better people, they're more real. Yeah sometimes it's not so pretty but it's real. I'm thinking real is better, even when it's worse in some other ways. I don't drink when I'm working. I'm not stupid, no matter what people say about me. I don't think I'm bigger than I am. They don't get me at all and they need to stop pronouncing on me before they get to know me. They don't have a clue about me. They need to talk to me. I don't have time for their narrow views, narrow and sharp and they cut things from their lives without even checking them out.

But I'm off my line of thought. I was puttin it down about Tuchuk parties. Way better subject than fucked up people puttin their fucked up ideas all on me.

I'm kinda the life of our little parties because I have the drums. I set the rhythm. Then Semi will throw down some rhyme, he's a Singer. Then it's Gabbi's turn and she does some dance steps, and oh boy can she step out. It's enough to get people started and soon everybody is joining in and throwin their own stuff out there, and it's awesome. By that time we're all greased up with paga and willing to try anything and nobody gives a shit about whose good and who sucks because it's just all for fun. The drumming, dancing, and the singing isn't about Clan then, it's just about sharing and making people feel good and help them forget the crap from the day.

Tonight I played the drums and I played the rhythm of freedom for my uncle, Pacu. I won't ever forget him. He was the only man who'd listen to me, who could understand.

I'm so tired of beating my heart out for no one to hear!

I saw my mom at the pyre, she's still a good for nothing whore that I don't know. I wonder if someday she'll have the guts to tell me why she didn't love me enough.

Fuck her! Oh wait, everyone already has.

I felt my fist ball up and I wanted to slug her, so hard.. right in the face. Her face enrages me, I hate her face. I wanted to feel the crunch, I wanted to feel the blood spread out under my knuckles. But she isn't my mom anymore. She's some guy's slave, an easy fuck. She begs men now on her knees. Where did my dad go wrong? Guess he failed with her like he did everything else. Nice guys finish last. Isn't that what they say? He seems to have believed it enough to live it.

If there's someone I don't think deserves to be alive. Someone I think is a piece of shit waste of skin, it's my mom. Why couldn't she be like other moms? Why couldn't she be like Aunt Astar? Why did she have to be a whore? A guy should grow up with his mom, and she should be there for him, like a mom. Either that or dead.

So life didn't give me any breaks when it came to my parents. And don't waste your breath trying to tell me that life isn't fair. I got it.

So Pacu is gone now. The one man I thought could understand me. I thought I was kinda like him. I liked to think so anyway. He was cool, not like the rest. Now he's dead and I'm left with Pei .. and Fonce. Let's not forget Fonce.

Yeah, life isn't fair .. but I don't have to be happy about it.

Tonight I beat my heart out on the drums. I threw it down for Uncle Pacu.

I hit them instead of my mom.

"When I was a young boy my father took me into the city to see a marching band. He said, son when you grow up would you be the savior of the broken the beaten and the damned? He said , will you defeat them your demons and all the nonbelievers, the plans that they have made? Because one day I'll leave you a phantom to lead you in the summer to join the black parade. " Lyrics by MCR

I don't want to live forever, I'm not afraid to die. And I won't sidestep one obstacle that looms in my path. It's my life, it's my path and I'm going to walk it, not over it or around it. I'm going to walk through it.

I don't plan on being just another rhythm lost in the crowd. I'm going to stand out, burn bright, beat out my life, my blood on the drums and people are going to hear me. They might not ever understand me, but they'll hear me alright. The plains will throb with my thoughts and my dreams and I'll do it my way.